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Three causes of conflict

When it comes to conflict it is important to understand the underlying cause. Here are three categories of possible causes:
  • Goals or objectives
  • How to achieve the goals or objectives
  • Values
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Bullying behaviour book now available on Amazon

Finally Intervening In Bullying Behaviour: Nine Ways to Take Direct Action is now published and available to buy from amazon.com. If you are dealing with bullying behaviour it is a major challenge to find and use successful ways to intervene. The book gives you step by step instructions Read More...

Bullying behaviour book release soon

This post was suppose to say that you could now get your copy of Intervening in bullying behaviour: Nine ways to take direct action. Instead the update is it will still be a couple more weeks away. Read More...

New bullying behaviour book due out soon

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. This has been due to devoting a lot of attention to the new book which is due out soon. Intervening In Bullying Behaviour: Nine Ways to Take Direct Action is in the final stages of production and should be on sale by the end of September.

ibb front cover image with border 300px tall

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The 4 keys to a proactive response to mobbing behaviours

How to deal with mobbing behaviours is a challenge. It is likely that some outside help might be needed. Sheehan (2004) suggests using 4 types of response: problem solving, skill development, understanding and solution focus. Read More...

How to promote decency in any organisation

It takes more than good intentions to have a pleasant and successful workplace, school or organisation. You need the right structures, policies and procedures to help people get things done and ensure everyone is treated with respect. However you also need to be able to deal with issues effectively. Below is some ways in which you can promote a healthy organisation and minimise some of the risk factors.
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Navigating which method to use in dealing with bullying behaviour

The last 9 posts have outlined separate ways of responding to bullying behaviour. Each have strengths and weaknesses and times when they should and should not be used. It is hard to work out which path to go down so to help solve this I have developed the ROBB model. Read More...

Sometimes you need outside help

Sometimes we can get stuck in the mindset of having to always be the expert or having to handle every situation. There are be times with bullying behaviour that the best course of action is to refer it to the authorities. When the behaviours involved are very serious or illegal you need to consider if the appropriate authorities should get involved. Read More...

Another way to deal with group bullying behaviour

There are similarities between using the Method of Shared Concern (MSC) to the Group Support Method (GSM) in my previous post. MSC builds empathy and understanding while using peer influence to take shared responsibility for changing the bullying behaviour. But it does so by working individually with members of the group. Read More...

How to deal with groups using bullying behaviour

It is not uncommon for groups to use bullying behaviour against someone. While there may be an key instigator, the rest of the group or bystanders can support the behaviour. They might join in, laugh or just say nothing. All of these signal that it is okay to use that sort of behaviour. The Group Support Method (GSM)... Read More...

The Collaborative Problem-Solving and Resolution (CPR) Approach

When bullying behaviour occurs it is important to help all the parties involved. The Collaborative Problem-Solving and Resolution (CPR) approach does this by allow the targets voice to be heard and balance restored. This can lead to the bullying behaviour user acknowledging responsibility and accepting change. This is how it works: Read More...

Restorative justice - an empathy building approach

The idea behind Restorative Justice (RJ) is supporting change in behaviour by developing empathy for the target. So for bullying behaviour it's facilitating a meeting between the individuals or group involved and possibly other community members. They all speak about the experience and to explain their feelings. The trained facilitator… Read More...

Mediation is not that helpful in dealing with bullying behaviour

Mediation is about bring parties together to work through the conflict and arrive at a solution. It seems a great solution for bullying behaviour until you realise that bullying behaviour is not about disagreements or conflict. Being excluded from joining in because of the way you look is not conflict. Both sides not are trying to present their own views, it is one side using its power against the other. Read More...

Is punishment over used for bullying behaviour?

Everyone accepts that there needs to be some form of punishment for behaviour that is clearly unacceptable. The idea is to discourage and deter the behaviour by having consequences. The difficulty with bullying behaviour is it has such a large spread of different behaviours that means punishment does not always suit the particular problem. But it seems to remains the go to approach for many. Read More...

Strengthening the target to deal with bullying behaviour

There are lots of information and training out there that suggests helping the target to deal with bullying behaviour. Things like supporting the target emotionally and provide skills to help them to become less vulnerable, deal with issues, deflect bullying behaviour and resolve conflict. A key draw back...
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4 direct responses to bullying behaviour

The direct response to bullying behaviour is about saying something when you see it occur to promote behaviour change. This is the foundation of dealing with inappropriate behaviour. Four types Read More...

9 responses to dealing with bullying behaviour

You might have guessed from recent posts that bullying behaviour is something I have been working on recently. I have been looking at ways you can respond if you see or hear of it occurring. There looks to be nine ways of doing something about it:
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Don't tolerate zero tolerance

As a policy for how we deal with inappropriate behaviour, zero tolerance wants us to believe that if we clamp down hard enough this fixes the problem. Any problem. But behaviour is a complex area and simplistic solutions do not address this complexity and lead to other issues. Read More...

Don't allow the smoke to distract you from the fire

Dealing with young people smoking is problematic at the best of times. While not wanting to condone the practice you sometimes need to move through the vale of smoke so that you can work on other important behavioural problems. That means accepting that they are going smoke. Here is some idea's on working with adolescence smokers. Read More...

A pause for thought can…

A pause for thought can make all the difference in handling inappropriate behaviour. For everyone involved. Too often it is tempting to fall into a mental trap that speed and urgency is good. Let's just get it over with and move on. That fails to take into account people need time to think about their actions. Read More...

Five tactics to avoid in conflicts

Conflict is always going to occur and that is healthy. To have a health conflict everyone needs to work constructively and play fair. The following 5 tactics should be avoided as they will only make things worse. Read More...

Things to say if someone is rude or unpleasant

Someone has been rude and unpleasant to you. The behaviour could be mildly aggressive meaning they are not respecting your rights. Any response made should try to establish appropriate boundaries on the behaviour. Read More...

5 ways to respond to the cold shoulder

There are times when people communicate or act in a way that is dismissive, negative or lacks warmth. When this happens at the first meeting it can be awkward. But when it happens with people we know and have a ongoing relationship with like coworkers and peers, this can be difficult and creates problems. Here are 5 questions you can use to try and resolve the problem. Read More...

Idea’s for rewards for good behaviour part-3

As outlined in rewards parts 1 & 2 it helps to encourage good behaviour by offering incentives and small rewards. Here is a further 11 ideas for rewards for young children through to teens:
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Idea’s for rewards for good behaviour part-2

As outlined in rewards part 1 it helps to encourage good behaviour by offering incentives and small rewards. Below is 23 ideas for rewards for preteens and teens:
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Idea’s for rewards for good behaviour part 1

It helps to encourage good behaviour by offering incentives and small rewards. If there is a particular behaviour problem then getting an agreement to make changes can be supported with a reward when they do well. Here is 30 ideas for rewards for preschool & young children: Read More...

Two ways anger helps you

Anger is an emotion that people most often think of as being negative, destructive and something to be avoid at all costs. But anger can help you. First of all it lets you know that something is wrong.
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3 strategies anyone can use

Responding to a behaviour that is called a strategy. There are many ways to reach behavioural goals so it is no surprise there are lots of different strategies to try. Here are a brief description of three of my most used strategies:
  • Naming it
  • Swapping
  • Shaping
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Ignoring can help you get a solution

I was flicking through a book the other day and a strategy that was in it gave me one of those ‘yes, I have done that’ moments. Because I had not included this as a strategy in my book I thought I should share it here. The author Bill Rogers called it tactical ignoring. It refers to concentrating on one behaviour while ignoring others on purpose. Read More...

How to get your message across respectfully?

It is easy to do. Lose your cool in the heat of the moment and say something that you later regretted. It is in these times that I-messages are your friend and a tool for all occasions. They get the message across about how you feel and what behaviour made you feel that way. And that is not the only benefit. Read More...

4 Secrets to creating good behaviour agreements

I think having an agreement on what is the expected behaviour norms is essential in encouraging positive behaviour. That is because agreements outline types of behaviour, rules and/or boundaries to follow. It will lay the groundwork for consistency, justifying why the behaviour is not appropriate and creates expectations of mutual respect. A good agreement needs to have four things: Read More...
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