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Boundaries will change

As life and society changes over time, so do the boundaries or rules that we expect people to live by. Especially as children grow older it is important to recognise that the boundaries must change to allow for increasing knowledge, maturity and need to become more self reliant. So it becomes important to choose the when and how those changes in boundaries occur.
Don’t leave it to chance as this can create conflict. Teenagers wanting to spend more time with their friends can start to forget about the expectations placed on them by parents. Wanting to be with friends and not go to the family friends house with my parents can be issue. As they grow older then it can be expected that teens will do more of their own thing, unlike when they where young children that could not be left by themselves. Be prepared for these changes and build up to them.

Negotiate and discuss the expectations. “You can stay at home by yourself when you are able to show your mature and trustworthy enough. We still expect you to come to family friends houses on occasions like….” Workout an agreed pathway to gain the relaxation in a boundary. “If your doing well in your school work till the end of this term then you can earn more time with friends after school. But if it does not work out then it will return to existing arrangements.”

This provide opportunities for teenagers to show that they are trustworthy. It will give them incentives to do well in things they need help getting motivated for, by offer reasonable and appropriate rewards. You can also establish logical consequences if the new boundaries are not respected or they create other issues. By actively talking about and setting up pathways to adapting the boundaries, you maintain the control and lessen the likelihood of unexpected or excessive boundary pushing.
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