It is the behaviour, not the person!
It can be tempting to let fly when someone does the wrong thing. But using a label like “your bad”, calling people names or using putdowns does not help the situation. There is a range of reasons why.
- It does not tell the person what they are doing wrong or how to fix it.
- It links their character or personality to the behaviour so they can become the behaviour.
- They will begin to believe that the behaviour is apart of their personality making it harder to get them to change the behaviour.
- Believing they are that sort of behaviour means it will occur more often.
- It can affect their self esteem creating other problems along with the behaviour.
You would not have a problem with the person if they did not do that behaviour.
They are “bad” only because of the current behaviour and if this changed then it will all be okay. So make sure you see the problem as being the behaviour. Focus on the behaviour and not the person.
So identify what the behaviour is that is the problem. Given them feedback on what needs to change. And give them suggestions and help in doing something that is acceptable. It is much less work than trying to constantly battle against behaviour that they only perform because they think it is what defines them.
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