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10 response styles summary published in American Camping Association magazine

For those looking for idea’s on how to respond to inappropriate behaviour, I have identified 10 different styles of responding. These can help you choose different ways of responding to these challenges. An article that describes the 10 styles was recently published in the American Camping Associations Camping magazine. Read More...

Five more mistakes to avoid when dealing with behaviours

Here are some more tips on what to avoid when dealing with inappropriate behaviour.

1. Avoid creating the situation into a win/lose proposition. You can use consequences but make sure you are not going to gain something out of it. 'If you do not get this done I will give some of my work to do' is not a good way to provide consequences. You appear like you are abusing your authority and this can create resentment. Read More...

Three ways of asking questions that should be avoided

When you meeting with others to talk about issues it can be very tempting to start off with a question. This can help raise the issue in a non threatening way and also find out more about the issue. It can help you find out how the other person views the problem. But you should avoid doing the following Read More...

More common mistakes to avoid #3

Working with young people can have many challenges. There is lots we can do to help and there is some things we should look to avoid. Here are three more things to avoid. Read More...

Responding to talking things up

When young people get to gather they love to talk. But if it is "deviant talk" then this can be a problem when it is not held in check. Talking up inappropriate behaviour which is then received positively by peers, can encourage the group to act out those behaviours. Read More...

Don't tolerate zero tolerance

As a policy for how we deal with inappropriate behaviour, zero tolerance wants us to believe that if we clamp down hard enough this fixes the problem. Any problem. But behaviour is a complex area and simplistic solutions do not address this complexity and lead to other issues. Read More...

More common mistakes to avoid

Sorry for the gap in between postings, I have been away working. Here are three more common mistakes when working with young people.

Do not tell stories about your own misspent youth. Read More...

A pause for thought can…

A pause for thought can make all the difference in handling inappropriate behaviour. For everyone involved. Too often it is tempting to fall into a mental trap that speed and urgency is good. Let's just get it over with and move on. That fails to take into account people need time to think about their actions. Read More...

Five tactics to avoid in conflicts

Conflict is always going to occur and that is healthy. To have a health conflict everyone needs to work constructively and play fair. The following 5 tactics should be avoided as they will only make things worse. Read More...

5 common mistakes when dealing with inappropriate behaviour

There are times when someones behaviour needs to have consequences. But there is some common things people do that hinder rather than help that person change their behaviour. Five common mistakes are: Read More...

10 styles you can use to respond

It can make you feel pretty angry or down when a behaviour does not change even after you have assertively responded to an issue. I learnt the hard way that it is useful to be able to mix up your responses. If something is not working, then try a different way. The stuck CD endlessly repeating sometimes works but in lots of cases does more harm than good. I have identified 10 different styles of response which can help you choose different ways of responding to these challenges. Read More...

Understanding the difference between I-messages and You-messages

You might want to read ‘You-messages can work for and against you’ to get the background for this post. I had pointed out that you can have an I-message and a You-message combined like ‘I feel angry when you call me names’. It is common for those new to I-messages to use I feel …(feeling) when you … (behaviour). But an effective I-message does not contain a ‘you’ in it. Read More...

You-messages can work for and against you

Following on from my previous post ‘How to get your message across respectfully’ the other way we can communicate is using You-messages. In You-messages, the message contains either you or you’re in it. For example, ‘You make me so angry when you don’t clean up after yourself.’ Using a You-messages blames the person for the situation and judges them. So it pays to know when to use one. Read More...
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